CASE FILE: DA VINCI CODE
I know I'm supposed to be an adult and all, but my Dad is the cheapest god in the universe.
Still can't find a job that isn't working for my parents, so I went out on another assignment as a muse. This muse thing is really not all it's cracked up to be - look, people should never paint in blood, and if they do, I should never have to see it. Especially not old people. Naked old people.
Why is this my life?
I swooped in on the scene and honestly, I was mad as hell. This woman Sophie, she's a policewoman and a cryptographer - people sure seem to hire her! But there's this mystery in full swing (a gross mystery with blood and old people, but still) and she's just following around after this guy who's droning on about codes and people getting married. He was quite the lecturer. If you can get a job lecturing, he would have it.
"Why don't you start cryptographing things?" I asked Sophie. I would have nudged her shoulder but I was worried about bloodstains. They do not come out of white togas, let me tell you. And I have to wash all my own clothes, which is very annoying when you have to wash them in the river. Ghosts are always popping out of the Styx and whining about their deadness level, which is definitely not my problem.
"I'd love to," Sophie said with a shrug. "But I'm only allotted one cool action for the entire plot, so I've gotta help this guy escape. Then I'll get rescued a bunch."
Reader, I facepalmed. "You're a policewoman! Go police things!"
"Sorry, what was that?"she said, her steely gazed tempered by an everything else as soft and sweet as fluffy kittens. "I was listening to this guy decipher all the codes. Doing that while looking feminine but not wearing makeup is taking up all my attention."
At that point I was very annoyed so I stole her cell phone and left. What?! It's department-issued for her. She'll get another.
I, on the other hand, am stuck with a cell phone bill that my Dad won't pay, and I don't have any future French dollars. Life sucks.